EDUCATION VS MARITAL LIFE: MATTERS ARISING…

Salaamun alaekum

Episode III of LIFE in PRISON!

EDUCATION VS MARITAL LIFE: MATTERS ARISING…

A decade ago I was at a wedding on a diet by Dr Mos’ud Akanbi. On this occasion, the medic affirmed that the best age for marriage lies between 18 and 25 as it is the ideal period for the best ovulation. Today, a female non-Muslim consultant-gynecologist at the University College Hospital (UCH), Ibadan is advocating undergraduate marriage as a way out of extra marital affairs and medical problems. She asserts that the best age for childbirth starts at 22 and therefore challenges female students to prove whether marriage at their level violates any of the rules and regulations in the Students’ Handbook.

You may mutter that it is easier said than done but there are many interesting cases of married students who are breaking the jinx.

1.      This year, the only two married students (one Muslim and one Christian) among many spinsters in a terrifying department made a first class division after 14 years of such record.

2.      In 2011, Ummu Abdulqaadir, despite her three children, was the best graduating student of the year in her departmental unit.

3.      After her 100 level days in the university, the young Ummu Inaayah was so bold to go into nuptials. Today, she is not just a happy doctor but a mother of two.

4.      I was personally concerned seeing the young Ummu Aiman around heavily pregnant when her part one of MBBS exam was approaching. She did not only deliver the baby successfully close to the exam but also performed very well in it.

5.       Barely a week to her part one-MBBS exam also, Ummu Abdullahi, put to bed and still passed the exam conveniently. Today, with her second child in college, everything is fine with her in her final year.

6.      In 400 level, Ummu Maryam won the heart of her not-easy-to-convince father to tie the knot. Today, she is enjoying the joy of motherhood as a fresh doctor.

7.      A brilliant student fumbled twice in her part one-MBBS exams owing to her failure to secure her father’s marital consent. Immediately the table turned, she made her family proud by soaring high consistently academically.

8.      Abu Abdurahman got married after his part one-MBBS exam, had his first child two days to his part two exam and was still counted out of the many examinees who could not come up to scratch. Again, despite his matrimonial responsibilities, he sailed through all the part four exam papers albeit the mass failure.

9.      Abu Khadeejah had his first child in 400 level yet with his marital status, he maintained his scholarship till graduation. He had his second child during his National Youth Service year and still was the best graduating student of his department in both coursework and research project at the Master’s level.

10.  Abu Abdulbaasit’s marriage coincided with his admission to the university. Immediately after his 200 level first semester exam, he was blessed with a child. Also prior to his final year first semester exam, he was blessed with another child. Despite matrimonial demands on him, and his involvement in many other extra-curricular activities, he consistently maintained his first class grade from 100 level till graduation. The good work did not stop there with the birth of his third child during the National Youth Service year and a fourth one during this master’s class.  

Now that it has been established that marital life does not in any way have any negative effect on education; it only requires an understanding partner and family and with Allah’s help, success is assured.

The Earlier the Better SPIRITUALY

Ø  You never can tell when you are departing this life; make hay while the sun shines. No religious matter must be delayed. The Prophet says: When a servant (of Allah) marries, he has completed half of his religion. Let him fear and revere Allah with respect to the other half. Hadith 430, Hassan, Sahih ul-Jami’-Albaani

Ø You can’t be too sure of yourself; men and women have been created with a mutual natural desire. Never allow Shaytan to take advantage of this. The Prophet says: I have not left after me a trial more severe to men than women. Muttafaqun alehi

Ø Bear in mind that marriage avails you the opportunity to lawfully fulfill your desire for the opposite sex so the earlier the better. The Prophet says: For two people who love each other, nothing has proved as good as marriage. Hadith 624, As-Sahihah-Albaani

Ø Be assured that being in a marital relationship with someone earns you reward from Allah. Even the enjoyment you derive from having sex with your spouse does not diminish the reward because if you were to have it illegally you would be punished. The Prophet says: But has Allah not given you that which you may offer as charity? Verily…forbidding evil is a charity, and having intercourse (with your spouse) is a charity. Sahih Muslim, Musnad Imam Ahmad and others.

Ø  At a time when the fear of poverty has beclouded our judgmental sense to attach to marriage its due importance, if you decide to take the bull by the horns; Allah’s aid is sure for you. Allah says: Marry the unmarried among you and the righteous of your male and female servants. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from his favours. Allah is Bountiful and Knowing. Qu'ran 24(Suratu Nur-the Chapter of Light):32 

The Prophet says: It is a right upon Allah to help one who seeks to marry for the purpose of avoiding what Allah has prohibited. Hadith 3152, Hassan,  Sahih ul-Jami’-Albaani

ACT NOW!

The Earlier the Better MEDICALLY

Ø  You never can tell when you are reaching your menopause; expectedly from 45 upwards but Allah does as He wills. I learned of two Muslim women who met their menopause at 37 and 39 after giving birth to four and seven children respectively.

Ø  As women grow older, their fertility reduces hence people who marry late may find it difficult getting pregnant. You don’t have to put yourself at such risk.

Ø  Victims of late marriage who eventually get pregnant late are at the risk of having children with chromosomal abnormalities such as Down’s syndrome. I hope you will save your children from trouble.

Ø  Also, you are at the risk of age-related non-communicable diseases such as hypertension and diabetes which may affect the outcome of your pregnancy adversely if you refuse to marry early. God forbid!

ACT NOW!

The Earlier the Better SOCIALLY

Ø  Early marriage avails you the opportunity to raise your children at an early stage before you start ageing. By the time other ladies of your age are about to activate their childbirth experience, you are already through. Moreover, young parents have been discovered to be more active at child upbringing.

Ø  Also, early marriage earns you communal respect as your public image changes immediately you get married. In fact, people don’t talk to you just any how again because they are aware you have somebody to fend for you.

Ø  Early marriage is a solution to moral decadence such as masturbation, seduction, prostitution and abortion that are now rampant in our society as sexual urge is one of the reasons for them. ‘Prostitution as a social vice has become a common phenomenon among teenagers and most adult ripe enough for marriage. This vice has taken a different dimension over the years with new skills and method of indulging in it,’ a non-Muslim female student opined.

ACT NOW!

   

Advice for Parents

Ø  Dear Sir or Ma, with due respect, AGE is never a factor in marital considerations but MATURITY which may be physical, mental and emotional. ‘Somehow, we have internalized the Western definition of "childhood" and "adulthood" so much so that we frequently refer to our young adult children of marriageable age as "children" or "too young" to marry. Both the labeling of adults as "children" and the excuse that adults are "too young" to marry are phenomena that are not only new to Islam but are inventions of the modern age in general.’ Baiyinah Siddeeq, ‘Marriage, To Wait or Not to Wait...’

Ø  Dear Sir or Ma, with due respect, MARRIAGE is never a barrier to EDUCATION as the ten cases above clearly demonstrated beyond reasonable imagination. ‘Somehow, the Western system of "education" has replaced Islam as the central priority in Muslims' lives. This blind dedication to obtaining a degree is so ingrained in the Muslim family that if a daughter herself is interested in marriage, the parents will forbid the matrimony solely on the grounds that she must finish school.’ Baiyinah (op. cit.)

Ø  Dear Sir or Ma, with due respect, it is time we realized that placing our marriageable children under RESTRAINT is not in any way the solution but facilitating marriage for them earlier. ‘Children have rights and one of their rights is to get married when they are old enough, and not everybody is the same. You don’t teach somebody how to restrain themselves when it comes to this need because not everybody is the same.’ Yusuf Estes ‘Marriage or Degree - Which Comes First?’

Ø  Dear Sir or Ma, with due respect, the TRIBE or RACE of the suitors is not as important as their FAITH. The Prophet says: ‘If one whose religion and character please you proposes to you, then marry (your daughter to) him. If you do not do so, it will be a cause of trial and vice on the land.’ Hadith 1084, Hassan,  Sahih ul-Jami’-Albaani

Ø  Dear Sir or Ma, with due respect, Islam does not encourage marital relationship without means of sustenance but the emphasis on the FINANCIAL STATUS as a condition for marriage cannot be too pointed up. It is understandable that it is out of your love for us but you can facilitate it for us as some parents are doing. ‘You can do it and we did it in our family, I wanted my daughter to get married, and I knew a boy who needed to get married. They were not ready financially? No. They were not ready according to what we call our standards for education, so we talked to both of them and we worked it out. They could get married, still live with their parents. But when they can be together, they can be together and they can take this pressure off.’ Yusuf (op. cit.)

The Prophet says: ‘Whoever brings up two daughters until they reach puberty (without extramarital touches) shall be very close to me on the day of resurrection.’ Hadith 2631, Sahih Muslim

At this juncture, it is reasonable to leave you with Professor Joseph Price’s FINDING on marriage and academic performance: ‘I find that married men have better outcomes across every measure than single men. Married women do no worse than single women on any measure….’

Islam Says No to Courtship, Yes to Marriage; the Earlier the Better. Act Now!