ABUSES OF POLYGAMY: A MINIMALIST CONDITION

Salaamun alaekum

Episode IV of LIFE in PRISON!

I don’t know how on Earth someone would prefer poverty to reign in her family. Such is the case of a woman who approached a sorcerer to foil her husband’s plan for another wife. She was told there is no charm to prevent a man from marrying another wife except to impoverish him. Without delay, the plot began. She asked her husband for money to boost her business. As she got it, she was to leave for the sorcerer’s but she made a mistake. She decided to call ahead but with her lover’s phone unknowing to her that both the sorcerer and her husband are acquaintances! I don’t know why on Earth marrying a non-Muslim will be a desired remedy for envisaged polygamy. This is the case of a Muslim lady, one of the five daughters of a well-educated man, who claimed that Muslim men are fond of marrying more than one wife and would not like to experience such. Subsequently, she got married to a non-Muslim who eventually due to a matrimonial scrap did what she never wished. It was a case of mistaken miscalculation as her four siblings who married Muslims are yet to have co-wives!

The Islamic Polygamy

Polygamy in Islam is bound by number, impartiality and finance criteria. The Number Constraint is one of the factors that mark it off ordinary polygamy as the maximum number of wives a Muslim man may have is four. The fact that a Muslim man cannot simultaneously keep more than four wives is a matter without disagreement in Islam. A Muslim who does otherwise is practising ordinary polygamy not the Islamic one. Allah says: ‘Marry women of your choice; two, three, or four….’ However, the Impartiality Criterion is the herculean task that many polygamists have to really face. It requires not only the physical but also psychological and emotional maturity. Allah continues: ‘…but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or that which your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice’. Qur’an 4(Suratu Nisa- the Women):3. The verse above does not in any way mean that co-wives must be loved equally but treated equally to the best of one’s ability. Sheikh Salih Al-Munajjid explains this further thus: ‘What is meant by the justice that is required in order for a man to be permitted to have more than one wife is that he should treat his wives equally in terms of spending, clothing, spending the night with them and other material things that are under his control.’ Also, Financial Capability is a prerequisite for plural marriage but not all take cognizance of it. This serves as a source of discouragement to many people even the financially capable. Allah says: ‘And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allaah enriches them of His Bounty.’ Qur’an 24 (Suratu Noor-the Chapter of Light): 33  

Muslim Men’s Abuses of Polygamy

1.      Virginity as a stringent condition for plural marriage is an abuse by some Muslim men. In fact, it has made their intention foggy to women in the event of mending the Islamic fences or minding sexual gratification. However, I am not unaware that there exists hadith(s) that may corroborate curiosity for virginity but if it is a first wife condition there may be no cause for alarm. A fleeting glimpse into the Prophet’s matrimonial home will decide the fate of a sister who became a widow in her early 20s.

2.      Another abuse by some Muslim men is to take no cognizance of lifestyle or background variation among women. Actually, it is a matter of common sense that the approach of a man married to a first wife without a single relative-polygamist should be different from one whose wife hails from a polygamous home; we pray Allah for wisdom. You may be startled if a husband and a wife who have been leading a western-cultured life for over two decades would deem it fit to hazard polygamy without prior tactical manifestation of such intent.

3.      Lack of adequate potency is another source of abuse by some Muslim men. Potency as a firmly established condition for Islamic marriage has its root in the Prophet’s precept that he who has ‘baa’ should marry. The word ‘baa’ in Arabic has been popularly interpreted by Muslim scholars as both financial capability and potency. But, if the collapse of some monogamous bridges has been grounded on libido-related matters, then the polygamists need to watch it. An eligible bigamist should not bite off more than he can chew on the premise of divine latitude to marry up to four wives.

4.      Another source of abuse by some Muslim men is to make their pluro-marital status confidential even to the first wife. Women in such relationship are called secrete wives a phenomenon that is not only specious but also lacking an Islamic basis. In fact, the satanic tendencies inherent in it are open-ended! I wonder what such people tell their first wives whenever they are with the secrete wives without lying or how they manage the situation when the wives eventually get to know without triggering lingering bitterness.

5.      Temperament is another source of abuse by some Muslim men. A man who is easily angered or finds it difficult to overlook people may not make a good polygamist. Remember that the Prophet is your model; ‘laa tagdob’ don’t be angry. A young Muslim lady’s impression about polygamy changed positively after her stay with a Muslim man and his wives for about six months. She actually told me that distinguishing children of A from B or C is not a simple task. Lo, I have a similar experience! May Allah make it easy for us too. Apparently, a shift from monogamy to bigamy requires amplified patience.

6.      The role of finance in institutionalizing an admirable polygamous home cannot be overemphasized. However it is one of the most obvious abuses of polygamy by some Muslim men as it is not being given its due consideration. Lest you forget, Islam has placed women on a pedestal of honour and so, we have to treat them like royalty. Marrying two wives in a single room is not a reflection of strong faith but a deprivation of deserved honour.     

Muslim Women’s Abuses of Polygamy

1.      Some Muslim women’s understanding of justice, one of the conditions for plural marriage is far from it_a misconception indeed. Such women are apt at presenting their view to men that Allah has said they can’t be just. Without further ado, they propose to men the minimalist condition of sticking to one wife instead. However, this scholarly commentary proves them wrong: ‘In such cases, the Islamic law does not demand equal treatment between them in affection and love. What it does demand is that a wife should not be neglected as to be practically reduced to the position of the woman who has no husband at all.’ Allah says: You will never be able to do perfect justice between your wives even if it is your passionate desire. Therefore, do not incline too much (towards one wife) so as to leave the other in a state of suspense. Qur’an 4(Suratu Nisa-the Women):129

2.      Some Muslim women claim they don’t have problem with polygamy and if they will do it at all, they must be the first wife. First, they don’t want to inconvenience the person at home; second, they want to have ‘first love’ experience. But, if these are the reasons of our precious women, then what gives me the guts to say you are wrong. I trust you; you can’t hold such an opinion on this matter without a salaf! Sisters, show them your evidence and gag them for a while. ‘And it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and it may be that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.’ Qur’an 2(Suratul Baqarah-the Cow):216     

3.      Some Muslim women claim that the fact that the Prophet PBUH lived with Khadeejah, his first wife, for 25 years without marrying another wife until she died is enough a lesson for Muslim men. Yes, it is. But the lesson there is that he did not do it because Allah had not inspired him to, the same way he did not pray for almost 13 years until he was instructed by his Lord to do so. Allah says: ‘Nor does he (Muhammad) speak of (his own) desire. It is not but a revelation revealed.’ Quran 53(Surah al Najm-the Star): 3-4

4.      Making reference to the fact that Alee did not marry another wife until Faatimah died is an uncommon abuse though limited to Muslim women from scholarly families. Nevertheless, such women need to be told that their fathers are not prophets of Allah which is enough among other reasons if I claim that it was a deserved deference to the last messenger PBUH of God to mankind.

5.      Your argument that plural marriage results in husbands having less time and attention for their wives is not peculiar to the issue in hand. Other factors like study, business or public responsibilties may have similar effect on the household. In fact, some people’s nature of job requires five days away from their families in a week. Whatever is done for Allah’s sake is irregrettably rewarding.

6.      Muslim women need to get down to brass tacks! Plural marriage is not the only catalyst of marital discord. It is a general problem, not exclusively a product of polygamy. In addition, if over 50% rate of divorce has been reported in the Western world where monogamy reigns supreme, then spare polygamy. Don’t throw the baby out with the bath-water; you can't make an omelette without breaking eggs!

Polygamy, a Matter of Common Sense

• ·        Polygamy is not a peculiar tradition of our beloved Prophet PBUH. Some other prophets of God were also married to more than one woman. For example, the father of faith-Ibrahim ASW. During the time of the Prophet, there were men who became Muslims who previously had more than four wives but were told to keep four and divorce the rest. Moreover, polygamy as a concept is not alien to Christianity only certain priests are asked to steer clear of it in the New Testament.

• ·         Statistically, in many communities, there are more women than men . In such communities, if each man were to marry just one woman, some women would be left without a husband, a situation which may have a harmful effect on society.

• ·         The fact that men are more vulnerable than women is one of the reasons why Islam has preemptively established polygamy as an institution. Larry Jensen reports a 30 years war which claimed the lives of many men in Nuremberb, Germany. This led the parliament into a decree which allowed a single man to marry up to 10 wives.

• ·         Some men have high sexual urge that cannot be satisfied by a single wife. If such men are not allowed more than one wife each, the repercussion may be unbearable as it will not only open doors to vices but also be a great inconvenience to the wives.

• ·         There are certain situations when a wife may not be approachable especially if she travels maybe on a course or she is sick. There will be no cause for alarm if she is not the only wife. The variation in menstrual and post-partum bleeding periods is also a relevant case here or what should be the fate of a Muslim whose wife menstruates for two weeks in a month?

• ·         What should a man who has an infertile wife do? Should a woman who may not naturally meet some needs of her spouse be husbandless? Should a young widow wait persistently for an imaginary bachelor to ask for her hand? Islam and nature are conjoined!   

 Concluding Remarks

Early Polygamy, a Matter of Choice: Matters arising from polygamous homes such as grown-up children, especially daughters, conniving with their mothers to outwit their fathers on projected polygamy are lending credence to early polygamy, a common practice among the salafs. Moreover, its benefits outweigh that of delayed polygamy in the sense that it is easier for the first wife to adapt to the situation in hand, helps the children to grow in unison, and bridges the wide matrimonial contribution gap that usually exists between the first and the other wife(s).  

A Note of Caution to Muslim Men: ‘It is not obligatory for the husband, when he wishes to marry another, to get his first wife's acceptance, but it is a noble trait of character and good relations for him to appease her by whatever decreases the pain which woman naturally feels in such situations. This may be achieved by smiling, greeting her warmly and speaking kindly to her, and by whatever gift you can afford, if her acceptance requires it. Moreover, each wife has the right to her own, separate accommodation as prescribed in Islam. It is not permissible for the husband to force his wives to live together in one apartment.’ Sheikh Salih Al-Munajjid

A Situational Report on the West: ‘Almost all Western governments have forbidden polygamy; but adultery is most rampant in these very countries. In spite of all attempts to promote monogamous relationships, many married men have mistresses or are involved in extra-marital affairs resulting in higher divorce rates, broken families and children growing up without fathers. And such kind of behaviour has also touched the highest offices —religious as well as secular— of the United States of America.’ S. M. Rizvi

A Minimalist Report from the USA: ‘We are going from monogamy to something called serial monogamy and we have no rules and guidelines; we’re groping in the dark for how to conduct our lives.’ Ira Lurvey, American Bar Association

The Last Pact with your Lord: ‘It is not right for a believer, man or woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allah and His messenger has indeed strayed into a plane error.’ Qur’an 33(Suratul Ahzaab- the Parties): 36

Islam says NO to PROMISCUITY like keeping one wife at home and many mistresses outside.

Say YES to POLYGAMY; it is God-given and nature-friendly gift to man. Stop the Abuse Now!

Watch out for Episode V of LIFE in PRISON after Ramadhaan in shaa Allah. Sorry for any inconvenience!

©Oladele Saheed